Gladys Kravitz Is Alive And Well And Living In San Francisco!


Taking Sides In A Messy Break Up!

As everyone knows when a break up occurs it is very difficult on friendships.   It is human nature to pick sides even when there are clear signs that one side is in fact the aggressor in a domestic violence  situation.  

However it does no one any good, in fact it can cause harm or en-flame the situation when a “neighbor” feeds information to one of the parties involved because he or she is trying to protect the party to whom they have aligned. 

Hmmmm.  What is he up to?
“I better tell Chip what I think I saw”

Last year when said neighbors spouse was having an affair and spending an inordinate amount of time drinking and carousing. That same neighbor was lonely  needed and place to vent out their frustrations. 


Did we pick sides or mention anything to the “cheating” party?  
No!  We opened our ears,shut our mouths and listened. We invited the two  of you into our home and hearts to show our support.

Did we accuse the “neighbor” of trying to get a few free sessions in with with our housemate, who is a very expensive and sought after Marriage and Family Therapist?  
No!  We called it “come by for dinner”

In every relationship there are 3 sides to every situation.
Your side.
My side.
And what really happened.


Truth vs Reality
Another issue that may further complicate matters is that each on of us has a truth and a reality. 

What the F*&@ is he talking about?
Lets first define truth and reality.

reality Pronunciation:/rēˈalətē/noun (plural realities)1the world or the state of things as they actually exist, as opposed to an idealistic or notional idea of them:
a thing that is actually experienced or seen, especially when this is grim or problematic:
2the state or quality of having existence or substance:
youth, when death has no realityPhilosophy existence that is absolute, self-sufficient, or objective, and not subject to human decisions or conventions.

truth

Pronunciation:/tro͞oTH/noun (plural truths /tro͞oT͟Hz, tro͞oTHs/)
the quality or state of being true:
he had to accept the truth of her accusation(also the truth) that which is true or in accordance with fact or reality:tell me the truthshe found out the truth about hima fact or belief that is accepted as true:the emergence of scientific truths



If you have had a broken limb can you recall the pain you suffered?   You can not.   Intellectually you know it was there, but the very real pain is impossible to recall.                                

But there was pain!  
I felt it!

Sometimes truth and reality are one in the same, and what is more often the case with humans they will differ a little. Yes folks we all suffer from what is called Psychosis, it’s our brains way of watching over us and protecting us from what are the realities of a pretty scary world. We ALL suffer a bit of psychosis from moment to moment.  

If you add to our ever present friend Ms. Psychosis a bit of fatigue, some alcohol, and or few drugs.  

Bam!  

You have a big old nasty and twisted 
“He said” and “She said”
Or
‘I did” and “He didn’t”
festival.

And because of our friends Truth and Reality both parties see the same event differently and may be right.


The Bottom Line


If you were not present at the events do not rely on what you hear from either spouse as an absolute.  Instead follow the example that 12 Step groups apply when there is gossip in the group and…
 “Take your own inventory”  



We are/were both hurting and it was not Howard’s nor my finest hour.  And I am deeply ashamed about my part in it.

So as my wonderful Grandmother always said  
Stop watching the neighbors through window, crows may fly by and peck your eyes out!”






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This entry was posted in 436 Cortland Ave, Chip Tharsing, Craig Waldo, Heartfelt, Howard C Tharsing, Howard C Tharsing Jr, Jack, Jack Tharsing. Bookmark the permalink.

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